May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Each week, Timothy Schmutte — a Westport resident, clinical psychologist and assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine — and his wife Elenee Argentinis will address a different mental health issue that impacts Westporters.
This week, they focus on parents, when children need help. Names and details have been modified, to protect privacy. Timothy and Elenee write:
When a child or teenager struggles with mental health issues, their parents also face challenges.
Although most parents find raising a child to be rewarding and enjoyable all or most of the time, parenthood is also tiring and stressful, which can bring on or worsen existing mental health issues.
In fact, being a parent increases the risk of depression and anxiety, as described in a recent Surgeon General report. Parent stress levels are 50% higher than non-parents’ levels.
But it is important to highlight that parents often benefit from individual support when their child faces mental health challenges.
Families are an interconnected system. Speaking with a therapist separately, even when your child is initiating therapy, can be helpful for both you and your child.
When a child has challenges, adults can talk with therapists too.
Not only can you learn how to support your child’s recovery, but you may also have grief to process, frustration to express, and worry to manage privately as your family navigates a difficult time. Directly engaging with a therapist to learn more effective coping skills can help kids recover faster — and help parents feel empowered.
A practical example is Benji, a 10-year-old who had stopped going to school. During COVID, he started developing separation anxiety, which intensified over the years. What started with returning to his parents’ bed to sleep became insisting that his parents be nearby during sports practice, resisting play dates at friends’ homes, and finally refusing to ride the school bus.
By the time Benji’s mother called for help, she was exhausted from round-the-clock care. She was also desperate, as administrators were pushing to transfer Benji to a specialized therapeutic school due to multiple absences.
Benji’s mental health care required his mom to have her own sessions to help her cope with the stress of the situation, and teach her a parent-based approach for Benji’s separation anxiety and school avoidance.
In addition to learning how to manage her own upset, she learned how to respond more supportively to Benji’s anxiety. Working together, we created a structured plan that progressively encouraged Benji to tolerate his anxiety while engaging in previously avoided activities.
One example: going to school for only 30 minutes in the counselor’s office to play games, followed by gradual increases in time spent in the classroom with the counselor, then with a paraprofessional, and finally by himself.
Dr. Timothy Schmutte offers advice for parents, and their children.
Coupled with similar activities at home in which he progressively spent more time outside of his comfort zone, within 4 months Benji was back in his classroom for full days, and enjoying play dates with friends. His parents had their first “date night” in years.
Sometimes parents also need separate therapy sessions to deal with their own challenges. A parent’s anxiety, depression, substance use or other mental health concerns can be triggered or worsened by a child’s challenges.
Diane — a C-suite executive whose son I had treated for OCD in the past — reached out to me for help with her anxiety, insomnia and growing irritability that began after a promotion.
Another client, Juan, consulted me because he was unsure what to tell his young children about his cancer diagnosis.
Kirstin was overwhelmed when her aging father became severely depressed. She worried about being there for him as well as her teenagers.
Parents need to take care of themselves, not only for their own well-being but for their families as well. Sometimes the demands of parenting can be so great we neglect our own care. The best parent is a healthy one.
So it’s common for parents of kids and teens with mental health issues to need support as well. Getting help as a parent can help you build useful skills to apply at home, and support the resilience you need to manage the challenges of parenting.
But 1) the honor might be outdated, and 2) not many people ever notice the sign. (Click here to see.)
Morley Boyd, Lynn Untermeyer Miller, Robert Mitchell and Sal Liccione were the 4 who did, when we posted last week’s “Photo Challenge.”
And no one offered up a back story about it.
So it’s on to this week’s puzzler.
If you know where in Westport you’d see this, click “Comments” below.
(Photo/Amy Schneider)
(Every Sunday, “06880” hosts this Photo Challenge. We challenge you too to support your hyper-local blog. Please click here to make a tax-deductible contribution. Thank you!)
A nasty weather forecast has forced the cancellation of tomorrow’s Memorial Day parade.
Thousands of Westport civic volunteers, musicians, young athletes, politicians — and veterans — can now sleep in.
But not too long. An indoor ceremony has been set for 10 a.m., at Town Hall.
Patriotic music will play. An honor guard will present a wreath. Brief speeches will commemorate servicemembers who gave their lives for our country.
And grand marshal Herb Podel — a 101-year-old longtime Westporter and World War II veteran who served with the Seabees in the Pacific Theater, as an aviation and electronics specialist — will be saluted.
It’s not a parade. But it’s well worth going to.
There’s plenty of time — after honoring our fallen heroes — for (soggy) cookouts and parties.
We’ll miss this solemn Veterans Green scene. But a similar event will take place across Myrtle Avenue, in Town Hall. (Photo/Harris Falk)
With the devices banned throughout the school day since November, teachers and students agree there’s been more teenage social interaction in classes, halls, the auditorium — and the main courtyard.
For years an underutilized space, it now hums with hacky sack (and other) activity.
Players are having a blast. They’re also #5 in the country (unofficially, but still…).
NBC Connecticut took notice. Click here or below for their report. Interviewees include Staples athletic director VJ Sarullo, baseball coach Jack McFarland and baseball player Mark Kelly.
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A reminder: The 53rd annual Fine Arts Festival continues today.
From 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., on Main and Elm Streets, over 160 artists from around the country, will show (and sell) their works, in a dizzying array of styles and mediums.
There’s music, food, kids’ activities and more.
There was a good crowd yesterday, despite the weather. Let’s keep the excitement and fun going today!
Art of a different type: painting a new BMW, on Elm Street. (Photo/Jonathan Alloy)
PS: Every year, the Westport Downtown Association — sponsors of the Fine Arts Festival — treats their artists to a great dinner, at Christ & Holy Trinity Church’s Branson Hall.
They hand out awards, too. This year, judges Louise Crowley and Lonnie Quinn selected mixed media artist Matt Gabel of West Milford, New Jersey as “best in show.”
You can find him today at booth #14: on Main Street, in front of Savvy + Grace and Nômade.
Artwork by Matt Gabel.
Other winners, and their booth numbers:
Mixed media: Tanya Kirouac, #80; Chris Curchin, #83
More than 3 dozen local authors for all ages — toddlers to adults — will meet readers and sign books next Saturday (May 30, 11 a.m. at 2 p.m., Jesup Green).
The 2nd annual “Stories in Bloom” is sponsored by the Westport Book Shop on Jesup Green, directly across from the event.
Genres include fiction, children’s, self-help, poetry, mystery, spirituality, neurodiversity, health, environment and more.
Authors will chat with readers about their creative journeys. Families can enjoy bubbles, face painting, temporary tattoos, a maypole, cornhole, and snacks.
The field day is fun — and benefits 2 great causes. Funds will be raised for the Live Life to the Max mentorship program (named in honor of Max Harper, Staples ’25, for boys with ADHD), and Filling in the Blanks (a Norwalk non-profit that provides hungry children with weekend meals).
Student organizer Sienna Schwartz says the half-day event will take place on May 29. Activities include a magician, petting zoo, kickball, hacky sack, basketball, water balloon games, chalk drawing and more.
Besides fundraising (with each grade competing to raise the most), Wrecker Fest will foster community, promote wellness, and offer a fun chance to build relationships with peers and staff.
The summer camp program helps students in grades 3-12 develop their voices, build confidence and connect with others through music, in a warm, supportive atmosphere.
Experienced and new students are all welcome.
The camp is run by Danielle Merlis — a Staples graduate, performer, film composer and founder of The Cello Camp — and Robert Kwan, an organist, pianist,choir director, piano instructor, and former Staples accompanist.
Lead teacher Sara Hoefer is the choir director at Roger Ludlowe Middle School. She has directed a cappella ensembles at Fairfield Ludlowe and Fairfield Warde High Schools for nearly 20 years.
Guest master class instructors this summer will include former Staples choral director Luke Rosenberg, Will Mandelbaum, and Gedalia Penner-Robinson.
The camp runs August 17-22, at Southport’s Trinity Episcopal Church. It ends with a final performance for friends and family. For more information and to register, click here.
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Studio Café has a new name.
The hidden gem in Sconset Square is now Tailored Home Café. The change reflects exactly where the breakfast-lunch-and-coffee place is: inside Tailored Home, the handsome furniture and interior design shop.
Everything else is the same — including the great menu with Spanish-Mediterranean dishes, fresh baked goods, espresso drinks, juices, teas, mocktails and more.
(Hat tip and photo/Sal Liccione)
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We’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: Bookmark (and check often) Westport’s “Community Events” calendar.
The page — part of the town website — lists an enormous passel of activities. Music, drama, arts, history, duck races … it’s all there, with clickable links for more information for each.
And that doesn’t include the Westport Library, though there’s a helpful link to their calendar, with their own dizzying array of events.
There is at least one interesting thing happening here every day in the foreseeable future.
For some reason, the least popular day is Tuesday. Hey … maybe someone will offer a lecture, workshop, play or concert explaining why.
Former 1st Selectman Jim Marpe used to say, “If you can’t find something to do in Westport, you’re not trying hard enough.”
After a whirlwind couple of weeks, Nikki Glekas was ready.
Town officials approved the new Compo Beach and Longshore concessionaire in mid-May.
But by yesterday, the owner of Westport-based NG Entertainment already had a name (The Sandbar — a play on both the beach, and the roving golf cart that will sell drinks at the Longshore golf course).
She had a logo (gentle waves). She had food, staff, cash registers and freezers. She’d cleaned the Compo space left vacant a few months ago, when previous concessionaire Hook’d got the hook.
She’d installed new lights, and given the interior a fresh, nautical/ Mediterranean look. The staff had Sandbar logowear.
Nikki Glekas, in front of a new design at The Sandbar.
Nikki was ready for beach customers, on the holiday weekend that ushers in summer.
The weather, though, was not ready.
A steady rain and cold temperatures kept everyone away.
Nikki was undaunted. She will be there, as soon as the sun breaks through.
Nikki Glekas has already installed new lights. (Photo courtesy of Instagram)
It will be a breakthrough for beachgoers, too.
Yesterday, Nikki showed The Sandbar to “06880.”
She described the full, fresh menu: sandwiches, quesadillas, single and double smashburgers, crab burgers, chicken tenders, wraps, lobster rolls, pitas, gyros, salads and tacos.
Plus all the usual sides (and some Greek ones), baskets, fresh grab-and-go selections, soft-serve ice cream, and a full line of Coke products. There are gluten-free options too. (Click here for the full menu.)
Customers can order ahead online, via QR code. (Or click here.)
Nikki will introduce catering, with small and large trays and platters. She expects big business for the fireworks.
Old door, new sign … and a fresh vibe. (Photo/Matt Murray)
A side wall will be filled soon with Westport-themed merchandise.
This is not Nikki’s first rodeo. She scaled up quickly thanks in part to her decade of experience running food services at Chelsea Piers. Chefs will come from those locations.
Applications for other positions have poured in. Many came from Staples students. Nikki is impressed by the “professionalism” of their emails.
Staples sophomore Nicholas Glekas (left) and junior Alex Kovics are ready for customers.
Two experienced bartenders will work at Longshore. (The pavilion there opens next week. The roving golf cart is set for a June 10 delivery.)
“Our goal is to be here a long time,” Nikki says.
Pointing to Compo — wet, cold, but filled with possibilities just a few days away — she adds, “This is supposed to be where everyone comes. We want it to be where everyone hangs out, and has fun.”
Whenever customers come, Nikki — and The Sandbar — will be ready.
(The Instagram is @TheSandbar068880. It already has over 400 followers. She hopes users will offer feedback there. Hours are 11 a.m. to 8 p.m., 7 days a week. During peak times, The Sandbar will open earlier and close later.)
(“06880” covers the waterfront — in every way possible. If you enjoy our reporting on all things Compo, Longshore, Burying Hill and Old Mill-related, please click here to support us. Thank you!)
A video recording of Wednesday’s Board of Education meeting, concerning an upcoming review of special education, is now available online. Click here to see.
Wakeman Town Farm celebrated Drinking With Chickens Day Thursday night, with — appropriately — a chance for guests to meet, greet, and cuddle with some of them.
Food and drinks were served. Fortunately, chicken was not on the menu.
WTF staff and volunteers were in a great mood. The night before, the Board of Finance approved $200,000 to help replace a dilapidated barn. Wakeman Town Farm raised an additional $400,000 for the effort.
Wakeman Town Farm educator Chryse Terrill (holding a chicken, and wearing a chicken dress) and WTF supporter Alison Milwe Grace, at Thursday’s “Drinking With Chickens” event.
On Thursday night, the lights went out at New York’s Ed Sullivan Theater. The final taping of “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” was bathed in history — including an appearance by Paul McCartney, 62 years after the Beatles first appeared on the same stage.
Westport Country Playhouse artistic director Mark Shanahan once appeared there too.
Some years ago, he auditioned for, and was chosen to do, comedy sketches on “Late Night with David Letterman.” Here’s one:
Today, Mark says, “I remember standing on the stage thinking: This is where The Beatles played!”
Sadly, Colbert did not mention Shanahan’s connection to the iconic stage.
On June 12 (Senior Center, 6 p.m.), Westport hosts a stop on their Special Fathers Network US tour.
Hosted by the Westport Commission on People with Disabilities, the free event allows fathers, mothers, caregivers and neighbors to come together, share experiences, and learn about local and national resources. Attendees will also receive a complimentary book.
“Out of Exile: The Photography of Fred Stein” — an award-winning documentary tracing the life and work of Fred Stein, including how his images survived as the Nazi threat forced him into exile — is set for the Westport Library on June 10 (6:30 p.m.).
The film also tells the story of Stein’s son Peter, who brought his father’s work back from obscurity after his death.
Following the screening, director Peter Stein will participate in a talkback.
Westonite Chris Fuller’s “Cheese Fries & Chili Dips” — a moving and hilarious 2-person cabaret-style show — comes to the Westport Woman’s Club on June 12 (5:30 p.m. reception, 6:30 show; talkback immediately after, with mental health experts).
The production follows Chris as he chases his lifelong dream of playing on the PGA Tour while navigating the challenges of bipolar disorder, and the nonstop commentary inside his own head.
The “thread” that textiles weave through America comes alive at the Weston History & Cultural Center on June 6 (2 p.m.).
Margaret Liljedahl presents over 300 years of weaving arts, including its pivotal role in American homes, and significance in our early economy. Click here for tickets, and more information.
History also comes alive there on Sundays, from now through August. From 1 to 4 p.m., visitors can enjoy hands-on activities, immersive exhibits, guided tours and outdoor sculpture walks. Click here for details.
Margaret Liljedahl weaves at the Weston History & Culture Center.
In today’s “Westport … Naturally” feature, Jonathan Alloy offers “the 4 types of classical column capitals, from ancient Greece to Westport: Ionic, Doric, Corinthian and House Finch.”
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